Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Check, check, check.......

I never realized the sacrifices made when sharing space and time with another.  This morning I was reminded of how much I struggled when I lived in Jersey.  Every morning I had to wake between 5 & 5:30, dress the kids (then 3 & 4 yrs old), and walk in the freezing cold (sometimes snow) to the babysitters and then to the bus for the train to work.  Lately I've been tired of getting up 2 hours before I have to be to work, but I was reminded of my struggle and how although my car isn't the best of cars someone else doesn't have to experience what I went through.

Sometimes we have to check ourselves, moodiness, attitudes, and then when we can't God of course steps in and does it Himself.  God thank You for Your strength and I ask that You keep me in check........for when I stop caring then we'll have a serious problem.

~Peace & Blessings~

Monday, September 20, 2010

Football Time!!!!

So tonight the 49er's played the Saints and I decided to watch with my son. I'm trying to be more interested in the stuff he watches and actually enjoyed watching the game :-). I've asked more questions and think it's more enjoyable now that I know a little something lol
I was clapping and screaming, just like the guys and now I see why lol

Take time out for the things your children enjoy......before they not want u around.

~PnB~

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Thankful.......

This past week I didn't stress as much about bills but still was a close call. Ever since I left for CA to get kids and started working in school district money has been tight. District only gets paid once a month and for me that means October. I stressed and stressed......and stressed, had a talk with God and decided not to stress anymore. Stressing does nothing but weaken the immune. I was even propositioned with sex for help with my rent and although tempting (just being real) my conscious wouldn't allow me to do it.
What money I had I sacrificed to keep a roof over our heads.....that meant no fill for nails, hair done, nothing(and I need a perm badly). I couldn't even buy more soap to wash with and cell phone was to be off by now. But, that's nothing for a mother when it comes to keeping a roof for her children's head. What I couldn't come up with I had to borrow and was fussed at for that......having a roommate and still needing help.


I'm thankful though. It was paid and I didn't have to degrade myself to do it. I kept faith in God and of course He came through. I'm not perfect but thankful I have a father that always comes through. I've been working everyday, passed my class, and now have 2 left for graduation.


The light gets dim at times......doesn't mean it's not there. I just need to keep focus......come what may.


~PnB~

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Play If You Want......

I am so tired on Tues/Thurs but once I get to class and we get going it gives me my second wind. I know that the craziness will all pay off one day......hopefully sooner than later.


In other news, had a heart-to-heart with the little people. I don't think they realize how good they got it. My mother never learned how to drive therefore we were always at the mercy of others when in need of a ride, or, taking the bus and walking. There weren't library trips and football games. No cheer practice, Volleyball camp, or football. Not even a movie. And yet they give me hell when I ask them to do the smallest thing. I.e. Put dishes away, clean bathroom, READ, STUDY. I fuss and fuss and fuss......and fuss and today~just wasn't fussing anymore. I spoke my mind, told them if there are no changes they can be regular(no extracurricular activities)kids meaning school, church, home, cable off, strictly reading and studying kids...and honestly wouldn't be a first. The last time we had issues with grades I sacrificed and cut cable off for SIX MONTHS~the passed.


~PnB~

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

First Thing First.......

I think at times our priorities aren't straight..... I feel bad 'cause was invited somewhere this weekend but honestly feel neither one of us should be making plans when we don't know if we'll have a place or not. At the time, honestly, I was all on board but then thought ain't no way I can think of doing ANYthing until we get that paid first.............
I thought about allowing my daughter to move back to CA once (neither one of them like it here much) so I could have a roommate that split bills 50/50 with me, but I know I would miss her so much. Then I thought about downsizing to save for a house, but after paying to move then storage fees difference may not be much so.......here we are.
At times I wish I hadn't allowed pride to get in the way when my mother-in-law said we could move back and share home with her. But, its a rough patch......and this too shall pass.


~Pnb~

Pause On The Play......

So I really need to try to make that 10 o'clock mark at night 'cause man I feel like I was partying last night :-(


Not sure if I've given background on just how my schedule is so let me explain. On a typical day I'm up at 5a.m. Wake kids up, take sis to work, back home if not called on assignment to either study/clean/enjoy quietness/sleep for 2 hours than back to sis work for her 4 hour break. Drop her off again then kids home from school. Now on certain days this becomes even more hectic because now I'm really getting calls for assignments so plug-in work 7:30-2:40/3, drop kids off to Soror for practice, then Sign Language class from 5-8:10 at night. Now add all that with a car-no air-sweaty clothes. CRAZY right. (For me & family safety left out exact days 'cause as we can see there are crazies in the world).
I know it will all pay off in the end but even as a mom trying to keep it all together, I still have crashed and burned in the past. Grad-school quarter ended last week so I now have about a 2 week break there......thank U God. I'm just tired. I'm running running running and think if I've never taken the Flu shot before THIS would be the year 'cause with not resting, for me, always means body shut down sooner or later and in the past not having help with kids........that also means missed school/practice, missed work so missed money, and being only provider that last one really hurts up.


As mom's, as parents period, we have to take better care of ourselves. (Although easier said than done).


~PnB~

Monday, September 13, 2010

Patience.......

So yesterday my son had a football but never got on the field. I was frustrated but u can only imagine the hurt my son felt. I walked away before the game was even over, tears building up inside. As the clock counted down I debated about talking to the coaches and finding out why. I wanted to fight for my son but too often men say we're so emotional so knew I needed to get myself together before making that move. Once I saw my son's face as he came off the field though I knew I had no choice. As I was walking my mind went to Allen and how I wish he was here to take care of issue. He was suppose to be here to see his son play, this was suppose to be our family outing together but will never be..........


I got myself together and talked with the head coach and off the back, out of all the boys he knew who I was talking about. He immediately apologized and said they needed to do a better job, that due to Darius missing the first 5 weeks (in CA for summer) was behind, and he assumed he knew his positions so will work harder with him. I thanked him, and then he even went to Darius to talk with him himself. I told D I would do my part getting him to practice, on time, when I can since have class some nights, but that he needs to make sure he does his part as well.....paying attention to plays.


I know God knows what best for our family and had a plan before I was even thought about. But I truly can not wait for the companionship to share along this journey.


~Pnb~

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Aunt Dot......

I truly understand why my sister says I should isolate myself right before my period and during. I become so controversial and the smallest thing annoys the hell out of me......*sighs*

I want to sleep, don't want to be bothered, and wish I had a rich Chocolate Cake with a glass of milk.

~PnB~

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Reminscing.....

Ok I've been M.I.A. lately, just tired period, but still been writing so here's a post from the weekend. Labor Day was full of rain yet full of relaxation and then finally cooking. Enjoy....


So today I came across an episode of "Who's The Boss" and during the intro song my heart just sank....the show brought back so many memories which lead me to think about time. Time waits for no man, and while I yet have my lazy moments I'm so afraid that in 10yrs I'll have nothing to show for all my hard work.


Before my grandfather died my sis said when she went to visit him at home he was chilling in his back yard with his Motor Home. My grandfather worked hard and therefore his home (located in Ontario,CA), his cars (one a Jaguar), showed this. He owned the Sky-cap contract at John Wayne airport for many years and knew how to invest his money. My mom side want to totally different.....its more struggling. But, with me exposing my children to college and I myself accomplishing attaining a (couple) degree(s), I pray to turn this around.


~PnB~

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Calgon Take Me Away.......

So I made it to bed (alone) at a decent hour last night.....but now its 4 in the morning and I'm up. Y? Stress.

I started my Sign Language classes last night and was so excited.....but.....then I began to wonder~"Am I doing too much?". I have 3 weeks left in this quarter for Grad School (trying 2 catch up with hw), these classes til December, new books to buy, rent to pay, a band instrument for my son, remainder fees for cheer & football, bills period......on top of personal life. *sighs*

I missed running last night so may try to get some Yoga in later this morning because mind is going a mile a minute.

~PnB~