A nice weekend.....

So I definitely crossed the line this weekend and pulled another card *inside* Went out dancing, which I love, and didn't get home til after 4 in the morning. Was it worth it? Yes. Did I enjoy it? Very much so. Now, if only it stayed closer so I could KEEP pulling it lol. I was left for 3 weekends straight by someone who said they wanted to date and cared so much about me yet hurt me spending time with another so I'd like to think it was long over due ;-)

~PnB~

Date or Phuck......

So on yesterday was speaking with a girlfriend in regards to this whole dating thing and how anti-social I can be. She made the remark that I can't have sex with emotions and I don't think it's I can'T without them but more-so depends on the person. I have guy friends that I care about and we've been intimate (and there's a big difference between having intimacy and a phuck) but when it comes to someone I truly have feelings for then no, it's not possible. I also try to make sure everyone I go there with is someone I could actually see myself putting up with for the next 18+ years. I can't understand how some can say "oh I don't like them like that" or "we just phuck" when there are enough unwanted kids in the world and unnecessary passing of diseases.

This dating thing isn't easy I think because I put too much pressure on myself and don't keep lines drawn. Dating is just that, dating. And often obligated sexual relationships come from that with nothing more for the future. It's a behavior change that has to take place..............but I'll get it.

~PnB~

Tic-Toc......

Just finished an assignment and now listening to music and reading. These past 2 weeks haven't been the best but I'm still hear. I've learned in life one can't put their hurt or feelings off on another. You have to be in control and when you're not being treated the way you feel you deserve it's time to move on. This is not always an easy task. Hell I've found myself going back more than once~and this is why I get even more upset with myself.....holding on wanting & trying to understand the 'why' or 'how' when bottom line it was done, the other person doesn't care that they did it, did it more than once, and I'm the only one loosing sleep over it. I really feel this was it though. Who am I to fight for something if the other doesn't feel I'm worth fighting for........

Does it hurt, yes. Do I cry at night, yes. But I'd rather be alone than living a lie and feelings of constant mistrust~even for a friend I care so much for.

Time heals all wounds~we'll see how long this round takes.

~PnB~

My son....my son.....

So sitting at my table reflecting....listening to Lupe's "Hip-Hop Saved My Life". I'm proud of myself, today is Tuesday and my homework is complete, I have a quiz tonight and have already studied, and dinner is almost done. Not all is perfect of course~my son has been slacking once again in school so I've basically stripped him of everything besides football. I realize I have to stay on top of him every single day. My daughter, so much easier. She comes in, puts her ipod on, and gets her work done. I ask God for guidance 'cause I know if I don't get it under control now it will only get worst as he gets older.

*sighs*

~PnB~