10 more hours.....

10 more hours til I gather my lil people from California. My kids have been in CA for about two months now. After my husband was murdered in 2003 I went away to college in Louisiana and his family, as well as mine, have taken my kids every summer since. During this time I basically wil' out.....lol But seriously, it's a time for me to refocus, relax (if not working like crazy), party, see "friends", and just for a pause in life act like I never had them....... Is that wrong to say? I mean I'm gonna be honest ~ I have thought about what my life would be without them.....but honestly, I wouldn't want my life any other way. They give me so much laughter and joy. I thank God for entrusting such a task of motherhood in my hands. I truly believe He knew what he was doing when He placed them in my life because I would really be off the chain. With my children I've learned how to be unselfish, unconditional love, and most of all patience.

I haven't had too many men around them, not the atmosphere I ever wanted to create. But the ones that are blessed to be in their presence are one's that treat me with respect. See I understand that I'm not only raising a little girl without her father but I'm also raising a little boy that will one day become a man himself. I want my daughter to know how it is to be treated by a real man, as well as , how to conduct oneself. I want my son to know what it is to be a man, something that I'll never be able to show him. I know I'm not a man and will never be able to truly relate to my son, but, what I can do is place him around other positive men to help him.

Has it been easy? Hellllll No!

Dating and being single, or being with the same guy for so long and not really knowing how to date has it's challenges. But I know I no longer have time to keep making the same mistakes. I realize I have a bad habit of choosing men who are not ready emotionally, spiritually, mentally, or financially.......but am I ready myself? I say I'm ready for someone in our lives, but then I also say I want to accomplish things I would like to see in my mate so it becomes a contradictory statement. I do know I want companionship. It would be nice to have a friend, a true friend, that loves me for me, does not judge me, can communicate, and most importantly makes time for me. I love hard and I give hard so when I come across someone that doesn't hold those same attributes its a battle........one that I should never engage in to begin with. I'm learning though. While I regret nothing I ask God to show me the lesson in every trial and tribulation, after which, I pray I pass once tested again.

"Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can't change where you've been......" You pull your Vickie's up, smile and keep moving. ;-)

~Peace & Blessings~