So I'm sitting in the airport waiting for a connecting flight to California, pondering on my life as usual, and it hits me ~ I fight so hard to not become the "Bag Lady" Erykah Badu sings about in her 'Mama's Gun' album.......but in the words of Drake, "I feel it taking over". I've been nice and sweet for so long....I get hurt, cry, take a time out, then jump right back at it. The men that I have gone out of my way for, have expressed my care and love for, have either phucked me over getting another woman pregnant or now view me as a threat that can't be trusted because of what their ex has done to them. I never in a million years would think a man could look at me and say they're afraid of me........that I'll break their heart, or that they can't trust me. But, I also know that I am guilty of this very thing. I once had an older married friend tell me that just like I look at men and assume they have "groupies" and can't be faithful, those same men look at me, my charm, my body, and assume men flock and all my needs are met. I wish I knew where 'cause car insurance is due next week and kids need back-to-school supplies in 2 weeks.
I don't want to be and refuse to grow into this old bitter woman that decided to just give up on love and all whom hold a penis. I need to take a step back and make sure what I'm putting out is what I'm wanting in return. The Laws of Attraction. I don't want to keep attracting sorry men, and therefor something needs to change with me.
~Peace & Blessings~
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