Sitting on the balcony of my mother-in-laws place it is so peaceful. My mother-in-law has always had this peaceful, tranquil state of mind and when u enter her space it shows. From the house plants to the Bob Marley pics, scenery of Jamaica strategically placed on different walls, incense and space .....its just peaceful here period.
This morning I woke and thought to revisit a decision, or action, I had tried earlier last year but end up falling off (hence got off track driving back & forth to LA), so I've been thinking about giving it another shot. I know you're wondering what it is so here~6 months of not dating anyone but myself. Once a week, maybe every other week, taking myself to something new/different/exciting etc. And just me! No kids, no friends, nada. I will try my hardest not to stand myself up, be real about what I'm feeling, and be honest with myself. The other day I realized I still blame myself for my husbands death. No matter what others say, and even though I know there was nothing I could have done to stop that bullet, I still blame me. Until I work through those issues .........I dare not try to fill the void of emptiness, loneliness, by settling with the imaginative life in my head, and an imaginative man who has his own issues of insecurity's to deal with.
I know it won't be easy, it never is, but let the journey begin.
~Pnb~
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