One Last Cry......

So........ A while back I fell in love with this constellation who was never emotionally available, and then fell in love with a child who is so immature when not in my presence it's scary. I definitely need to do better when it comes to matters of my heart. The constellation, after I look back, was never really there but yet after 2 years was available to get to know another came along so issue there was more of thinking friendship was better. With the child, he played the role quickly making me option #2 whenever option #1 arrived and fell into the girlfriend role that everyone has given her (except him, although what he allows says different).  I helped keep him level headed and try to open mind and thinking, he helped me chill the hell out, not be so stressed but keep focus as well.  Down side to that is it wasn't just for me.  And while I waited until he finished college, then waited until he got started in his career, beginning to sink in that no matter how long I wait it will never be what I want it to be.  


I feel like I've lost my best friend and the sad thing with crossing the line with a friend is that you can never really go back to just being that, friends.  Not sure I'll find another that I can spend hours talking to about my fears, hopes, & dreams, or one that will tell me to just shut up and relax........But my sis begs to differ ~ my eyes are still blurry. In my past its taken a year or more to get over someone ~ and this will definitely take some time. I've cried so much don't think there's any more water left in my tear ducts.  But the key to it is cutting communication and staying busy.


My birthday is coming up, graduation in May, and looking forward to new career. Funny thing is I told God I didn't want to take any baggage from my 20's into my 30's and I guess He decided to bring some things to light that I've been blinding myself from or trying to hold on to. I don't regret either one, it's all a learning process~and if u don't learn u don't grow.


Not in a happy place right now, self-esteem kinda shot, but hey ~ time heals all wounds and this too shall pass.  I try to find the positive in whatever and refuse to be the bag lady, but gotta make sure I take whatever lesson God is trying to show me from this and do better.


~Peace & Blessings~