Suicide.....

....the process of purposely ending ones life.  


Can't say I've ever wanted to just end my life before...........that is until last week.


According to an article by Dr. Melissa Stoppler, "Suicide is a major public health problem, with more than 32,000 persons dying by suicide each year in the United States, or about 80 suicides per day. In addition to completed suicides, another 1,500 unsuccessful suicide attempts occur each day. In the 18- to 65-year age group, suicide is the fourth leading cause of death in the United States". 


There have been times where I just wanted to run away, get away from the stress, I actually did run away when I was about 11 years old (crazy), but never just wanted to end my life.  I've always been able to cry, be depressed, pull Frederick's up and keep it moving. But this past week was different.  I read something and immediately my heart sank and just felt like I didn't want to be here.  My life insurance policy is paid for, guardian of kids is noted, they would even have a two parent home to give them all the things they need and want.  But as I stood in the mirror the annoyance of my daughter continually calling me began to snap me back.  


I don't care how rough it is it should never get that bad.........and that's when I realized I really needed to let go.  It's not worth it.  A woman can give so much of herself (fault of her own) until she has nothing left for herself.  All to be left feeling unappreciated, unloved (9 times out of 10 by a man), trying to keep sight of a goal and the light getting dimmer and dimmer, then added family problems all compounded.  I always try to stay positive in anything, Lord knows I have had worst time, but with matters of my heart and love this was the final blow.  I should've called my sister but then I didn't want the "told u saw", or just the negative feelings to make me feel even worst.  I'm an intelligent woman, have 2 beautiful kids, first of my mother's 6 children to graduate college & grad school, but none of that mattered at that very moment.  The fact that I claim to believe in God and be saved ~ all of that was no where in my psyche.


I never want to have that feeling again and never will.


~PnB~