Had a cool weekend ;-) Have actually gotten hooked on excitement watching UFC Fights and was sad that Rampage lost to Rashad but hey~still #TeamRampage. I've been doing awesome with Grad School work, staying on top of my papers etc., and just pray that I can keep it up. Graduation is May 14th and I definitely can't be slacking this close. Speaking of Graduation I've been thinking about what I would like to do next~ I keep myself going because I'm constantly developing new goals for myself to accomplish. Not sure what may happen but I pray that I allow God to lead me in the path He would like me to take. It's Monday~urrrr~but thankful 'cause it's another day God allowed me to see ;-)
~Peace & Blessings~
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Love Liberates.......
I thank God for another day~
Let's see~my birthday has come & gone. My home burglarized, and another argument. (Don't know what happened to blog about bday & burglary but just know was a very scary moment for my children & I and I pray it never happens again. Now for update).
It is a constant battle to not allow myself to be drawn back into hurt.....I find myself doing what I think in my heart is right, but last night was told I was partly to blame for my hurt. Because I care so much and love so hard I allowed the hurt to continually happen (and this shift of blame was said by the person who continually had deceitful actions and was dishonest). This person was quick to say that "that's the problem, no one(me) wants to hear the truth and when they do they can't handle it". But he couldn't tell me one time he was honest from the jump~his honesty always came after I had sleepless nights, was made to feel like I was trippin', and a nonsense argument about the lie. All of that for him to be honest after the fact ~
With another friend I realize I seek his attention. He dishes it to others on a social site, but I realize lately I've initiated the "hey" or "how r u"s and it was never like that before. He use to always hit me up. What makes me still hold on? Have hope? Sex has recently been cut. We don't even live in close proximity, but I continue to try and keep these friendships that don't reciprocate the same as I give. I ask God to heal my heart, help me to work through these issues, so that I can give my love and attention to someone who is deserving of it. Keep my self-esteem up and realize him sleeping with different girls and being dishonest doesn't mean it's my fault or that something is wrong with me. The other not keeping communication doesn't make or break me. I miss him checking on me but need to let go. I don't want to harbor bitterness, I don't want to have trust issues, I want to remain the sweet woman that I am and take better care of my heart. I asked God to keep my heart because I can't be trusted with it. I continue to subject it to hurt and need to do better.
~Peace & Blessings~
Let's see~my birthday has come & gone. My home burglarized, and another argument. (Don't know what happened to blog about bday & burglary but just know was a very scary moment for my children & I and I pray it never happens again. Now for update).
It is a constant battle to not allow myself to be drawn back into hurt.....I find myself doing what I think in my heart is right, but last night was told I was partly to blame for my hurt. Because I care so much and love so hard I allowed the hurt to continually happen (and this shift of blame was said by the person who continually had deceitful actions and was dishonest). This person was quick to say that "that's the problem, no one(me) wants to hear the truth and when they do they can't handle it". But he couldn't tell me one time he was honest from the jump~his honesty always came after I had sleepless nights, was made to feel like I was trippin', and a nonsense argument about the lie. All of that for him to be honest after the fact ~
With another friend I realize I seek his attention. He dishes it to others on a social site, but I realize lately I've initiated the "hey" or "how r u"s and it was never like that before. He use to always hit me up. What makes me still hold on? Have hope? Sex has recently been cut. We don't even live in close proximity, but I continue to try and keep these friendships that don't reciprocate the same as I give. I ask God to heal my heart, help me to work through these issues, so that I can give my love and attention to someone who is deserving of it. Keep my self-esteem up and realize him sleeping with different girls and being dishonest doesn't mean it's my fault or that something is wrong with me. The other not keeping communication doesn't make or break me. I miss him checking on me but need to let go. I don't want to harbor bitterness, I don't want to have trust issues, I want to remain the sweet woman that I am and take better care of my heart. I asked God to keep my heart because I can't be trusted with it. I continue to subject it to hurt and need to do better.
~Peace & Blessings~
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year!
So its officially 2011~thank U God! These past few weeks of course makes one reflect on the year. This year I realized my self-esteem is really low. I walk into a room with a mask that reads I'm the baddest chick~men/women stare, roll eyes, but inside I now realize this insecurity because if not true a lot of things I put up with never would've occurred......and then occurred again. My birthday is coming up and asked my friend about coming to work~he never got back to me. The other is being who he is as usual. I care about them both~love dearly~but not loosing another moment of sleep...another tear......nothing. It's a new year and I plan to take better care of me, realize and know my worth and act accordingly. God has been too good to me and has brought me through a lot of things. I'm thankful for what this year holds and pray I keep focus and mind stayed on him.
So after I wrote all of this my friend said that it wasn't so much my esteem being low but that I love and seek others to love the same and its ones that aren't ready. My prayer as I've stated before is that I stop being attracted to those that are not ready physically, emotionally, or mentally.
~Peace & Blessings~
So after I wrote all of this my friend said that it wasn't so much my esteem being low but that I love and seek others to love the same and its ones that aren't ready. My prayer as I've stated before is that I stop being attracted to those that are not ready physically, emotionally, or mentally.
~Peace & Blessings~
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