Talk about honesty.....

So S and I had a two hour long conversation yesterday.  Some tears....some laughter.....  There are 4 things that I must say I appreciate. 1. The fact that when we talk he makes sure it's face to face, no calling or texts, no assuming facial expressions, tone, etc. 2. That he does takes time to actually talk to me.  I realized that with him at the beginning and that men in my past would just disappear or not discuss issues. 3. Have never had a man break down me to me..... 4. As much of an ass that he is he admits when he's wrong all bs aside.  I can honestly say he does love me.  He's young, still trying to figure out life, but I do trust that he loves me.  He called me out on a couple of things, thought it was hilarious but he said he could never blame me or anyone else that he knows he's pushed me to the limit.  At the end of the day he knows where his heart is, could care less about the other "hoe's" and if I notice he never brings me around "bruhs" because while fun with the others he never wants them to put me in that category of me being "another one of S's hoe's".  He told me two things that gives him pause with us 1. Developing a close relationship with the kids and then not being able to be there, 2. My temper and how I am when I go on rants.  But I asked him does he know where the rants stem from?  I felt very secure and good until I found out about another.  He replied he knew but there were times when he wasn't doing anything.  That if he doesn't respond within a certain time frame or miss calling I go OFF......  I had to take a moment and reflect within myself.  That is something I need to work on.  Am I too clingy? Needy?  I'm here in a state without any family, holidays are the worst, and at times think I do resent him leaving and spending time with his family and that's not right.  Now I do wish he would visit sometimes but overall I shouldn't feel that way. 

We just really had a heart-to-heart that was much needy.  I'll be 32 January 9th, 2013 is right around the corner and I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting and focusing on things I need to work on.  This is another I will work on.  I want to remarry, I want another child. I want my PhD, I want to teach, I want to continue working with Juveniles - all of this....... In order to get something new gotta do some new things.

Thankful for self-reflection.....

~Peace & Blessings~