Change of Heart.....

So I mentioned how I blocked S finally from my phone (at least I think I did in previous blog...)  I blocked him wanting to give a break with the calls, texts, etc.  I noticed that when I would call/text he would be busy, barely respond, etc., but the moment I go silent and no be available is when he would blow me up.  Thanksgiving Day did it for me.  We had just spent time together the night before, pillow fighting, talking, just mad fun.....but then once I got home (30mins later) he didn't respond to a message I sent of arriving home (no biggie) but then he also didn't answer call a few hours later.....nor the call later.....nor the call in the morning.  At about 10am I get a message that he got my messages, so all my calls, but was knocked out (30mins after I left, mind you he had just waken before I arrived to him), had walk at 5:30 in the morning to drive home (45mins) and then went back to sleep.  Was now about to eat with family......  Now I would have no problem with this other than the fact that he took time to send me a message with all that but not 2/3mins to actually pick up the phone and call me back :-/
All while I'm pulling up to his house and realize his truck is still sitting in the driveway :-/

I felt like it was BS, my instincts told me BS, and that was just it.  I was driving to my girlfriends house in Austin (2.5 hours) and during drive just began to think of my sister, best friends, their marriages, families, and just hit me........ I don't want this.  I don't want to be afraid of losing something I don't even have yet and I want to date with purpose.  I want to show my children healthy dating, a healthy relationship, not someone that pops in and out of their lives once a month, every other month.  Someone that will pillow fight with me more than once a month, someone that will answer when I call and make time to talk, someone that I can talk to about my day.  Consistency.....Love.....Respect.....Appreciation.....

A new year is coming up.....my birthday right after....and just taking a deep retrospective look at my life.  The things I continue to put up with, compromises that I continue to make, the pain I continue to subject my heart to.

Change has got to come....... 

~Peace & Blessings~