Dr. Q Sounds Good To Me........

So my title pretty much says it all - I got into the Juvenile Justice Doctoral Program *screams* !!!

I got the call last Friday and have been on cloud 9 ever since *huge smiles*  I have to take some pre-requisite courses since I didn't have a Statistics course in my Master's program but nonetheless I am so thankful to start this next chapter.

Below is my update to goals for the year!

So on with the updates.........

1. Daniel Fast  - Completed 01/2013

2. "The Purpose Driven Life" - Still needing to get caught up!

3. Date Night / Girls Night Out Monthly - Poetry Night (Jan.) Superbowl Party (Feb.) House Party (tonight :-) Night Out with co-worker (March) Fish Fry (April) Alumni Happy Hour & Scholarship Picnic (May) 

4. Dating with no attachments - I haven't had a date this year yet.......and I'm absolutely fine with that......for right now.  This changes so I need to find balance and really be ok with it.

5. Abstinence - Going on two months.......one day at a time......

6. PhD Program - Accepted 04/26/13

7. 52 Week Money  Challenge - I am catching up this month!
8. NO Chemicals or Heat on hair for at least the next 6 months - Weave is out!  I cut it short by a month to allow my hair to breath before summer.
9. I will commit to Yoga daily - Hit and miss some days but for the most past have been getting in weekly
10. Cancun or Miami in June (Girlfriends Bday) - Trip paid for!!!  Cancun here I come!!
11. Myrtle Beach in August (First Family Reunion) - Not happening :-(
12. California in December! - Still in the making......

13. Church Participation (Choir, Youth, etc.) - Need to do better!

14. CASA Appointment - Completed Feb. 11th, 2013!!

15. Obtain a Passport - Accomplished! Mar. 9th, 2013
16. No Overdraft fee's for the year - Bombed - Rough first couple months.....but hopefully no more starting with March.

17. More toning with weights - Been on it - twice a day some days!!

18. Six Flags Fiesta Texas / Daughter's bday - Decided to not do.  Started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and just decided to put that money towards all bills being caught up.  She's getting her hair done instead :-)
19. Mosaic Women's Course - I did decide to let this go for now. I may revisit later in the year.

20. Monthly FunDay with kids - Dave & Buster's tonight!

21. Take more baths than showers - Doing much better......
22. Blog about every single one of these items - Can't believed I missed the entire month of March but will do better.....

23. Delta Sigma Theta Centennial Celebration - Not happening

24. Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace - Completed 04/2013

 

Super excited about all the changes!!!  No new love interest......but just enjoying my time and life!  I'm loving my hair, will try to create separate blog for that journey.  June will make one year since I've had a perm and just loving the freedom!! 

 

~Peace & Blessings~

Happiness......

Crazy but that's the overwhelming feeling I'm having right now.  Nothing has occurred but on my ride home yesterday I just reminded myself of my word for the year......responsibility......and the responsibility I have for my happiness :-)

I got a call from a Line Sister that I hadn't talked to in years.  We had a big falling out, she was young and has grown so much, and basically called to apologize for the way she handled things......was really nice to hear from her!  She said she had to grow up, was very conservative, had been with the same boyfriend since high school, just a lot of things she didn't know but that she now understands me lol  We fell off from something that at the time I felt was very foolish but our perspectives were just different.  Either way it doesn't matter - I'm just so happy to finally be in touch with my sister again :-)  She taught me how to wear eye shadow at 26/27 lol

Let's see......my best friend L is coming to town!  He's working the All Star Game and got me tickets to attend!!!  He even mentioned a date, which would be really nice since it's been some months since I've been on one, but I'll be happy just enjoying the game and any time we get to spend around each other :-)  Hadn't realized that the games are the same week as Valentine's Day........

Moving on.....looked up the pricing for my daughter's 15th Bday *sighs* (Still can't believe how time has gone by.......)  Have decided to take them during the Spring Break that they are off so that we can make it a Weekend Trip :-)

School Loans......so thankful got good ol' Sallie Mae to review my income and praying for a reduction in the amount that my payments will be. 

CASA Training - 3 more classes!

Fun - Basketball Game at TSU on Feb. 2nd........yea that's gonna be fun - I feel it lol

My co-worker and I have been busting our butts on a new Summer Internship Program and so happy to finally announce that our proposal was approved and now moving up to the VP!!

Yea........moments like these help me to remember - I got things to do, places to see and fun to have!!!

New favorite song "Lose To Win" LOVE!!!

~Peace & Blessings~

Just let me go.......

So once again S and I have had this same, drawn out conversation.  I finally just asked him "What do you want from me?".  He made his way to DC for the Inauguration of our great President Obama's 2nd term, yet couldn't make his way to my Birthday Dinner......excuse given was because of money.  While I understand this, money was not needed.... and his presence was all that I longed for.  He had some excuse for not seeing me before he left and then didn't leave when he said he was.  I hadn't heard from him (minus small text here and there) and then wanted to talk on Monday.  I asked him why?  You can go a day or two without talking to me why do you want to talk now?  Why do you want to ask what my short-term goals are?  Why won't you just let me go!?!!??  I didn't mean to snap but it's like we have these little breaks, I focus my mind on other things, get him out of my system, and then he comes back.  To lay down with him and then have to constantly remind myself that it's nothing more than awesome deep passionate sex is a lot.  His response was "To love me".  I love him.......but loving him hurts.  A couple of weeks ago I finally listened to the lyrics of a song sung by Lauryn Hill that I've often heard but never really "listened" to......."felt like I could've wrote the lyrics myself.  He's having a hard time letting me go so it's up to me to help him.  *Responsibility*

"It could all be so simple, but you'd rather make it hard.

Loving you is like a battle, and we both end up with scars.

Tell me who I have to be, to get some reciprocity.

See no one loves you more than me, and no one ever will.

Is this just a silly game that forces you to act this way….

Forces you to scream my name, and then pretend that you can’t stay. 

Tell me who I have to be, to get some reciprocity. 

See no one loves you more than me, and no one ever will.

No matter how I think we’ve grown you always seem to let me know, it ain’t working…..

And when I try to walk away you hurt yourself to make me stay, this is crazy.

I keep letting you back in, how can I explain myself.

As painful as this thing has been, I just can’t be with no one else.

See I know what we go to do, you let go and I’ll let go too. 

‘Cause no one’s hurt me more than you……..and no one’s ever will.

I've decided to stick with the Cancun Trip......will give me more motivation to get on my workouts and tone up ;-)  Also, thanks to my friend's constant reminder of me being a "good catch", I'm looking forward to getting out and being "caught" ;-)

OAN: I would like to add a Strip Tease Class to my goals for the year...................yep *giggles*

~Peace & Blessings~

BUSY!

So students returned this Monday and OMG SWAMPED!  Yesterday I was thinking I have seriously fell off with blogging soooooooooo *giggles* time for some updates :-) 

Life has been awesome!  I have been feeling sluggish in the mornings now.....partly weather - partly Aunt Dots visit (menstrual cycle) that is vastly approaching *ugh*.  But all in all doing well.  Food is low, trying to push through for the next week or so.  Have been purchasing things that can stretch a meal......may do spaghetti tonight.  Work is well just continually reminding myself to not become complacent again and allow another year to go by without being in PhD program!

Dating Life - Haven't been on any dates......don't really want to. S has been hitting me up, attempting to converse more but the constant reminders of pain keeps me at bay.  He came to visit me in the office, needing to use my phone.  He had it for quite some time and when I leaned over realized he was going through my messages and then pictures.  I went to grab for his phone and he wouldn't give me the password............something to hide......I don't have the patience and just asked that he not go through my phone.  He hasn't done this since we first started talking back in 2011. 

CASA - Have class tonight *ugh* but will be one step closer to finishing program *huge smiles*.

Discipleship Class (Mosaic Women) - Had first class Monday and went really well :-) 
18 Weeks..................................................................................................................................................

Fast - Fell off with Fast, started again, then fell off again *sighs*

Hair - I've had my braids in less than 2 weeks and I'm missing my hair already.  Been watching more YouTube Videos and all I want to do is wash / deep condition / and massage my scalp with sweet smelling stuff smh lol

Money Challenge - I decided for me that instead of doing the deposit/transfer weekly that it would be better to just add up the weeks for the month and then budget out.

Cancun Trip - I may just travel with another sis to Miami, cheaper, haven't seen her in a while.  Plus told myself that I'm not going out of the way with special trips for those that don't for me.  This is not towards the sis' that's going to Cancun but I have another sister (blood) that has traveled across the world every year and has only come to see me once.

So yea.....here are the updates thus far.  I'm tired, want to go to bed, but will push through :-/

~Peace & Blessings~

To my surprise.....

So after the night I had on Tuesday I just knew that my Birthday would still be full of tears, depression, resentment, all of that, but I ended up having the best day!  My co-workers had a surprise gathering for me in which I received Red Velvet Cupcakes, some new tea to try and another gift card to Starbucks......was just really nice :-)

S texted me, "Good morning Beautiful"....... wth ???  I didn't respond until hours later and was like "Should've been Happy Birthday.....smh".  His response was as if I didn't give him a change - SURE - smh.  Then he sends the whole "Happy 25th Birthday to the most beautiful woman I know... I wish you many more right by my side".  :-/  I simply respond "Thank you" and then he puts that he loves me............................................................................................................................................................

So in other news, the day before on Wednesday I won a beautiful Tea Ball from Tea With Rae !!!  She is a Soror that also Blogs and is an Aids/HIV Activist.  I was surprised and quite excited to learn of this news :-)

I have tomorrow off and suppose to go out on tonight (trying to keep word despite nasty weather) but I hope to have even more fun on Saturday with my friends at the Basketball Game and Dinner *huge smiles*

~Peace & Blessings~



Tea Ball - but hopefully mine will be red :-)



Excited to try!

Love Red Velvet Cake *mmmm*

My Birthday!

So today is my Birthday!!!!  I am 30 something........lol  It's crazy 'cause I once thought the age that I am now was old and now when I hear 20 somethings say 30's is old I look at them crazy lol
I am thankful to see another birthday......God has definitely blessed me thus far.  In spite of all my hangups and disobedience He yet keeps His hands on me.  I don't have anything planned for today besides work and can't think of a time that I ever took off for my Birthday from work......always just planned for the weekend *kanye shrug*

I got out on Sunday for a Poetry Event (FUN) but this Saturday I plan to attend a Basketball Game after CASA Training and then head over to my favorite Sushi spot with some friends.  :-) 

Will try to take lots of pictures to post!

~Peace & Blessings~

First Night Out....

Goal 1 & 3 - Fasting & Getting out:

So I made it out last night!  Was invited to a Poetry Event for a frat brothers birthday, loved it!  I use to attend poetry events all the time until my car (and about 10 others) car windows were broken in the downtown area.  Let's just say that was my last time doing anything downtown after hours.  On to the event, it was FREE, the poets were awesome, and to my surprise they called for all those with Birthdays to come on stage.  We get up there and the MC announces Patron shots for EVERYONE!  I fall out laughing because 1. I'M FASTING (Please refer to New Years post regarding this smh), 2. I am a lightweight so I know in the words of Kevin Hart........It's....about.....to.......go.......down........lol  End result, I broke my fast for one shot *sighs*

Oh well back on it today lol

Goal 4 & 5 - Dating Life:

S hit me up again after the pic, etc.  Was so tempted to visit..........was having some serious PT's (pu**y throbbing's), but I'm proud that I didn't give in.  The next day he hit me up and we were having a cool conversation, and then he mentioned how some Soror's wanted to stay at his house because they were attending a party and didn't want to drive all the way home :-/ *coughs BS*  My attitude immediately went left and I found myself trying to put myself back in check.  This happened on Saturday night and not to my surprise of course he didn't hit me up Sunday.  I wake Monday morning to a text at 5 something saying "I'm sorry I didn't communicate but I've been in the ER, was coughing up blood."  I simply responded that although he saw/read all my messages he never once mentioned, and then I wasn't worth informing of such a serious matter :-/  I couldn't sleep, was tired after I got in from the Poetry Event but then couldn't rest so just began to pray.  I asked God to help me take my emotions out of the situation.  I realize when I'm not trippin' about his life, what's going on, I do so much better.  I never should've gotten upset about his space, who was gonna be in his space nor the silence the next day.  That is not MY RESPONSIBILITY......(my focus word for the year). I ended my text with ok - hope you feel better and let it be.  I have things I need to focus on and him nor his sickness should be a priority.  Sorry to feel heartless but that's just how I need to be for now. 

Goal 7 - Savings:

I changed this goal to the 52 Week Money Challenge.  After reviewing my budget and things I need to pay on saving $500 a month would be a stretch so will stick with the challenge which seems a little more attainable.

Goal 23 - Delta Sigma Theta Centennial Celebration:

So yes indeed my Soror's have already gotten a room on lock for us! lol It's going down......smh  I have added this goal to my list because would really like to attend and be there for this monumental moment :-) 

That's all I want to update on for now........tired from the sleepless night and just praying this day goes by FAST!  Hope you had a wonderful weekend!

What are some goals you're interested in accomplishing this year?

~Peace & Blessings~

My nervousness........that shot was a LOT!

I got this......lol

Bottoms Up!  :-)

Change of Heart.....

So I mentioned how I blocked S finally from my phone (at least I think I did in previous blog...)  I blocked him wanting to give a break with the calls, texts, etc.  I noticed that when I would call/text he would be busy, barely respond, etc., but the moment I go silent and no be available is when he would blow me up.  Thanksgiving Day did it for me.  We had just spent time together the night before, pillow fighting, talking, just mad fun.....but then once I got home (30mins later) he didn't respond to a message I sent of arriving home (no biggie) but then he also didn't answer call a few hours later.....nor the call later.....nor the call in the morning.  At about 10am I get a message that he got my messages, so all my calls, but was knocked out (30mins after I left, mind you he had just waken before I arrived to him), had walk at 5:30 in the morning to drive home (45mins) and then went back to sleep.  Was now about to eat with family......  Now I would have no problem with this other than the fact that he took time to send me a message with all that but not 2/3mins to actually pick up the phone and call me back :-/
All while I'm pulling up to his house and realize his truck is still sitting in the driveway :-/

I felt like it was BS, my instincts told me BS, and that was just it.  I was driving to my girlfriends house in Austin (2.5 hours) and during drive just began to think of my sister, best friends, their marriages, families, and just hit me........ I don't want this.  I don't want to be afraid of losing something I don't even have yet and I want to date with purpose.  I want to show my children healthy dating, a healthy relationship, not someone that pops in and out of their lives once a month, every other month.  Someone that will pillow fight with me more than once a month, someone that will answer when I call and make time to talk, someone that I can talk to about my day.  Consistency.....Love.....Respect.....Appreciation.....

A new year is coming up.....my birthday right after....and just taking a deep retrospective look at my life.  The things I continue to put up with, compromises that I continue to make, the pain I continue to subject my heart to.

Change has got to come....... 

~Peace & Blessings~

What a year!

Well well lets see.....once again I have not been on my blogging duty!  So much as happened in the last year and I'm so grateful to God.  I've purchased my first new car :-) 

New job at a University (which happens to be playing against my Alma Mater this weekend), still single yet do have somenew new in our lives.....he still has some growing to do and I've recently learned that so do I but I've learned so much about myself and my love life.  Have options....they're always great right?  Anyhoo my girlfriends are doing awesome, being blessed with jobs and family expansions!  My children are doing awesome!  My son has done a total 360 on me.....completes  chores, cleans room, cleans BODY *giggles*, and grades are definitely much better all without my reminder.  My daughter is still the Diva that she is lol  Just received a free upgrade for her phone and is in iPhone Heaven smh.....  Her behavior is the same, attitude here and there from them both but nothing major and I'm such a proud mother.  I'm not perfect but I continue to thank God for his many blessings thrown my way on a daily basis.

School update - I have finished my Master's!!!  Love those three little letters......M.....B......A.... ;-) and now applying to a PhD Program for Juvenile Deliquency at Prairie View A&M University (Praying all goes well). 

Had a little spout with my manager but have realized the amazment with just a lil change in my attitude and reminder of my BIGGER picture and all is well.  "Yes ma'am, no ma'am, thank you, no problem" have become my best friends Monday - Friday 8am to 5pm :-)

Well that's a small glance into my lil life for now.......more to come!

~Peace & Blessings~

Girlfriends.....

So today a friend of mine had a baby....and while I'm happy for her I felt some type of way to find out I didn't get a picture of the baby! Now granted having gone through childbirth myself I understand its a crazy time, lots of calls, etc., but when I found out she sent another close friend a picture AND they talked my attitude was like ok...... I had texted earlier in the day and still heard nothing. Then I began to think back~this close friend and I really haven't been as close since before dating her now husband. Before they became serious I remember trying to stay in touch and conversations just became less and less~then with dating him it turned into months. This reminded me of a lesson I was told by an older friend......men get into relationships and they fight to keep their friendships while women on the other hand began to communicate less and less with theirs. A few months back Essence even did a story on the importance of Girlfriends and how its a two-way street that is often broken.

My prayer is that I don't become one of those women......that the constant conversations I have with my girlfriends now remain throughout~

~Peace & Blessings~