First Night Out....

Goal 1 & 3 - Fasting & Getting out:

So I made it out last night!  Was invited to a Poetry Event for a frat brothers birthday, loved it!  I use to attend poetry events all the time until my car (and about 10 others) car windows were broken in the downtown area.  Let's just say that was my last time doing anything downtown after hours.  On to the event, it was FREE, the poets were awesome, and to my surprise they called for all those with Birthdays to come on stage.  We get up there and the MC announces Patron shots for EVERYONE!  I fall out laughing because 1. I'M FASTING (Please refer to New Years post regarding this smh), 2. I am a lightweight so I know in the words of Kevin Hart........It's....about.....to.......go.......down........lol  End result, I broke my fast for one shot *sighs*

Oh well back on it today lol

Goal 4 & 5 - Dating Life:

S hit me up again after the pic, etc.  Was so tempted to visit..........was having some serious PT's (pu**y throbbing's), but I'm proud that I didn't give in.  The next day he hit me up and we were having a cool conversation, and then he mentioned how some Soror's wanted to stay at his house because they were attending a party and didn't want to drive all the way home :-/ *coughs BS*  My attitude immediately went left and I found myself trying to put myself back in check.  This happened on Saturday night and not to my surprise of course he didn't hit me up Sunday.  I wake Monday morning to a text at 5 something saying "I'm sorry I didn't communicate but I've been in the ER, was coughing up blood."  I simply responded that although he saw/read all my messages he never once mentioned, and then I wasn't worth informing of such a serious matter :-/  I couldn't sleep, was tired after I got in from the Poetry Event but then couldn't rest so just began to pray.  I asked God to help me take my emotions out of the situation.  I realize when I'm not trippin' about his life, what's going on, I do so much better.  I never should've gotten upset about his space, who was gonna be in his space nor the silence the next day.  That is not MY RESPONSIBILITY......(my focus word for the year). I ended my text with ok - hope you feel better and let it be.  I have things I need to focus on and him nor his sickness should be a priority.  Sorry to feel heartless but that's just how I need to be for now. 

Goal 7 - Savings:

I changed this goal to the 52 Week Money Challenge.  After reviewing my budget and things I need to pay on saving $500 a month would be a stretch so will stick with the challenge which seems a little more attainable.

Goal 23 - Delta Sigma Theta Centennial Celebration:

So yes indeed my Soror's have already gotten a room on lock for us! lol It's going down......smh  I have added this goal to my list because would really like to attend and be there for this monumental moment :-) 

That's all I want to update on for now........tired from the sleepless night and just praying this day goes by FAST!  Hope you had a wonderful weekend!

What are some goals you're interested in accomplishing this year?

~Peace & Blessings~

My nervousness........that shot was a LOT!

I got this......lol

Bottoms Up!  :-)

2 things........

So I travel about 30-35mins to work each day.  As one can imagine with any commute this time is filled with laughter listening to your favorite morning show (mine would be Rickey Smiley and Yolanda Adams), or with thoughts........many....many thoughts.  As I was driving today I begin to think on a few things......of course relating to S (duh).  First thought that came to mind last night was if he were only communicating more because school was out and pretty much everyone is gone.  He told me that wasn't true - ok, believe.  But as I was driving  into work there were 2 things that gave me pause........1. The fact that he's still interested in meeting women (For example during our talk he mentioned how he was taking a trip with the guys and if they met some females yes possible they would invite them to room to hang, doesn't mean he trying to sleep with them, etc.).  The 2nd was the fact that when I mentioned meeting his family for Graduation he already feels that it will not happen.  His first response was "Well you know how I am with my family and when I get around them.  You will meet them one day but I can't say that will be the day".  Graduation is 5 months away and this is how he feels already......  Now, I'm in a little predicament, during this ride I became very emotional, tearing up, can't quite say it's all because of these thoughts running rampant in my head, or, if the fact that Aunt Dot (as I affectionately refer to my cycle as) is due to  visit Christmas Day to be exact. *sighs*

Whenever I have these thoughts the first thing I do want to do is text him how I feel........but I didn't......wanted to get my thoughts out here first before (actually seeing if I'll feel better and thinking rationally).  Anyway, hope someone has some feedback for this one.....

~Peace & Blessings~

**Today I'm attending our Department's Christmas Party!!**

SN: After writing I decided to go have a mini-photo shoot in the Lady's Room and I'm feeling a little better *giggles*

So let me get this straight.....

So S goes pretty much all day yesterday and not speak a word to me.  I go off on a relitively small tengent text trip.  Not really snapping but first I call to ask if he's eating (because I'm caring like that).....then I just let it flow........

This blog was gonna be about how I went off on the way home, no response, yet got alarming calls between 1 and 2 am this morning, along with a text assuming I was with someone.  Please refer to the wonderful photos that I've attached to the right -->

My blog has now changed because an event has just taken place....... This ninja just showed up at my office.  It never fails..... He piss me off, I cry, get angry, ignore, he shows up, apologize, long talk, repeat.  Vicious Cycle.  This time though the talk was a little different.  Our last conversation he decided to spill, asking me questions here and there but me never admitting to SH*T.  I didn't want to hurt him like that or admit that I had stepped out (not really stepping out since we're not "traditionally together") and he view me differently.  But today...............................................................................................................today was a different me.  He asked me about one I became him, "Why are you asking about him?  Where are all these questions coming from?"  lol  He was like your face says it all and this look came over him like.......hurt.....disgusted......and for a tiny milli second I did feel bad......and then I thought of all the bull sh*t he's put me through, the nights I cried, calling and he saying he was sleep, studying, the ignoring, and then I felt..............................................................................nothing.

You see I've loved him so much, nothing I wouldn't do for him, feed, help with bills, hell I need help myself, but as I mentioned in previous post just was being me and holding the one I cared for "down".  He was like I can't believe we're having a conversation like this, I agreed but was like can be any worst than what has happened so now what?

I told him I was ready to retire......tired of working for his love......he replied he's ready to act right, but if I'm ready to retire he's not gonna start and we both laughed.  I thought he was playing like whatever *cough* bull sh*t, but he was really waiting for me to answer.  I basically told him that I would follow his lead.  He started asking my age again?  And I once was upset that he didn't know how to spell my name correctly or know my birthday but I realized he knew more of the emotional side, the deep stuff that I've been through and when we talk knows me.  He calls the other stuff elementary stuff that comes with time.  It's been over a year........how long do men actually take to have the light bulb moment???

I had my entire layout of my blog ready to go when he walked in but now I'm like now what..........??

~Peace & Blessings~

PS....Sorry can't get pics to show - will keep trying.....