Learning To Date.......

So my mother-in-law has just returned from Jamaica and my baby flew to the Dominican Republic this morning :-( *sighs* I always say I wish I could pause her, she's just growing and growing, but, I'm very proud of her. 2nd~my child has a Passport before her mama smh. I vow to do better lol. Two more weeks in quarter and 1 class left 'til graduation *whew oooo* I am so thankful and excited about next chapter. As for personal life I'm finally learning how to just date~ I had a problem of coming across a guy I like and closing the world off to only him (pledging some love & devotion that he 9 times out of 10 had no idea of and probably could care less). I've had 2 dates in 1 weekend, a 2nd date with someone that doesn't make my heart flutter but is cool to be around. Am I suppose to have butterflies? Is it ok that they may come later? But then again what if they never come........... *sighs*

The World of dating~

~Peace & Blessings~

Planning At Its Finest.......

I almost lost my mind today~ the day did not go according to the play-by-play I had last night. I knew 2 things~my daughters Passport, interview~and those 2 things would take place on time because I HATE rushing or being late for anything. So, plan was to wake, be out the house by 8:15, crack stop (Starbucks), and be outside the Post Office (which I checked online to be sure they did Passports the night before. After, take daughter to school then head to Medical Center HOUR before so could grab lunch with a girlfriend and then head over to interview. Now, the only part that went according to plan was me being out and at Starbucks. Get to the P.O. and they have a paper sign on door which states they are temporarily not doing Passports. Drive 20mins out the way to be told the same thing. We end up driving for about an hour before arriving to a P.O. that does the Passports to find out they open at 10. Are we the 1st? Nooooooo, that would be too much to ask for. Mind u interview is for 12:15. By the time we finish it is 11:45 :-| Daughter has to miss school (another no no cause I believe in perfect attendance), and now has to take the drive downtown with me for this interview that I'm not gonna miss nor be late to *sighs* I make my interview, 20mins before time, I now so worked up have begin to sweat *screams*

Long story short interview went well, dropped daughter off at school (with an hour left, sure did), and pulled off these cute peep-toe 4 1/2inch heels that were killing (but I still looked good :-) ).

You can plan a pretty picnic but you can't predict the weather~

~PnB~

The Comforter.......

Having a hard time getting to sleep tonight. Had a great week, work was good, made an A on my paper, had to tap my son's behind but he's even doing better :-) ..... I did take a small hour nap before his basketball game but goodness was only an hour. As stated in my last blog, haven't had a connection with anyone lately and miss late night talks about dreams, how the day was, fantasies, etc. I've done good being focused on Grad School work but when night falls its a different story. I'm independent because I have to be but have no problem allowing the man to be that, the man. God just hasn't blessed us to cross paths yet~

Until then.....thankful for the Comforter.

~Peace & Blessings~

Moving Right Along~

Ok so any time its been a minute since blogging know that Grad School is definitely kicking my butt (May May May).

This week has been a very cold one, temperature was about 19 (feeling like 6 according to Weather Channel). I haven't had sex in a minute and it really would've been nice to snuggle and cuddle and all that good stuff but staying on track. I've missed the gym not wanting to go anywhere in the cold so have to get back on it, hopefully this coming week.

One of my girl friend's are moving away and I'm so happy for her! She's going back to be with her family and it makes me miss mine even more. I've admitted that I'm not ready but I was holding on to someone~ (actually 2) ~in hopes that our paths may change in the future. I've been doing good putting more focus on myself and even visited my 1st Law Center :-)

My daughter has an audition today with some agency that called her back. I'm a little cautious but she's so excited so we'll see what comes from it. My son my son~well he's been on punishment for a minute. He's reached the "I want to be cool doing things that hurt my grade" stage and trying to get him on track. I tell both my children that I refuse to raise cute and ignorance~

Don't really have any close male friends anymore. At times this saddens me cause use to having someone to call and tell about my day but guess its for the best~ Being more dependent on God and allowing Him to mold & shape me so truly available when the time is right :-)

~Peace & Blessings~

What's To Come......

Had a cool weekend ;-) Have actually gotten hooked on excitement watching UFC Fights and was sad that Rampage lost to Rashad but hey~still #TeamRampage. I've been doing awesome with Grad School work, staying on top of my papers etc., and just pray that I can keep it up. Graduation is May 14th and I definitely can't be slacking this close. Speaking of Graduation I've been thinking about what I would like to do next~ I keep myself going because I'm constantly developing new goals for myself to accomplish. Not sure what may happen but I pray that I allow God to lead me in the path He would like me to take. It's Monday~urrrr~but thankful 'cause it's another day God allowed me to see ;-)

~Peace & Blessings~

Love Liberates.......

I thank God for another day~
Let's see~my birthday has come & gone. My home burglarized, and another argument. (Don't know what happened to blog about bday & burglary but just know was a very scary moment for my children & I and I pray it never happens again. Now for update).

It is a constant battle to not allow myself to be drawn back into hurt.....I find myself doing what I think in my heart is right, but last night was told I was partly to blame for my hurt. Because I care so much and love so hard I allowed the hurt to continually happen (and this shift of blame was said by the person who continually had deceitful actions and was dishonest). This person was quick to say that "that's the problem, no one(me) wants to hear the truth and when they do they can't handle it". But he couldn't tell me one time he was honest from the jump~his honesty always came after I had sleepless nights, was made to feel like I was trippin', and a nonsense argument about the lie. All of that for him to be honest after the fact ~
With another friend I realize I seek his attention. He dishes it to others on a social site, but I realize lately I've initiated the "hey" or "how r u"s and it was never like that before. He use to always hit me up. What makes me still hold on? Have hope? Sex has recently been cut. We don't even live in close proximity, but I continue to try and keep these friendships that don't reciprocate the same as I give. I ask God to heal my heart, help me to work through these issues, so that I can give my love and attention to someone who is deserving of it. Keep my self-esteem up and realize him sleeping with different girls and being dishonest doesn't mean it's my fault or that something is wrong with me. The other not keeping communication doesn't make or break me. I miss him checking on me but need to let go. I don't want to harbor bitterness, I don't want to have trust issues, I want to remain the sweet woman that I am and take better care of my heart. I asked God to keep my heart because I can't be trusted with it. I continue to subject it to hurt and need to do better.

~Peace & Blessings~

Happy New Year!

So its officially 2011~thank U God! These past few weeks of course makes one reflect on the year. This year I realized my self-esteem is really low. I walk into a room with a mask that reads I'm the baddest chick~men/women stare, roll eyes, but inside I now realize this insecurity because if not true a lot of things I put up with never would've occurred......and then occurred again. My birthday is coming up and asked my friend about coming to work~he never got back to me. The other is being who he is as usual. I care about them both~love dearly~but not loosing another moment of sleep...another tear......nothing. It's a new year and I plan to take better care of me, realize and know my worth and act accordingly. God has been too good to me and has brought me through a lot of things. I'm thankful for what this year holds and pray I keep focus and mind stayed on him.

So after I wrote all of this my friend said that it wasn't so much my esteem being low but that I love and seek others to love the same and its ones that aren't ready. My prayer as I've stated before is that I stop being attracted to those that are not ready physically, emotionally, or mentally.

~Peace & Blessings~