Happy New Year!!!

My oh my what a year and what a break!  Love working in Higher Ed *giggles*

Let's see where shall I start......have my song, "Tis' So Sweet", my scripture Matthew 26:41, and even a motto I would like to remember throughout the year (thanks to Tyrese), "Expect what you accept from people".  This past year was crazy!  Ups and downs, excitements and tears but I am truly grateful and thankful that I'm still not pushing daisy's.  I spent my break doing some much needed cleaning, physically and mentally.  Ended a relationship and hoping to build a better one with God, family and friends.  My last week of the year is always spent cleaning and developing a new list of goals I would like to accomplish sooooo today I'm gonna do something different.  Along with my list I've taken a word to focus on as well.  I mentioned the word in my last blog but the word again is Responsibility.  Responsibility for my actions and decisions, health, mental stability, etc.  Again this is MY Responsibility so will also remind myself that I can not control the actions of another, perceptions of me, or beliefs.  I'm excited about this year, as with any year, but his year marks the 10th Anniversary of my husband's passing and I'm just doing some things differently.  First on the list is a new phone number.....yep, after 10 years believe it's time.  Like my old car I believe I've been holding on to this number for longer than I should and it's time to let even the 916 go. 

Below is a list of things I would like to accomplish throughout the year.......

1. First on the list is the Daniel Fast.... My sister and her church Pilgrim Rest Baptist Church are doing this fast for the next 21 days and I would like to also join in.  Would like to cleanse my system one, and also for discipline of prayer and devotion.  My walk has dwindled with God and I would like to do better.
2. Along with the fast I'm reading "The Purpose Driven Life".  I've had this book for a couple years now and have never read past the 1st chapter.
3. I commit to at least one date night or Girls Night Out Monthly.
4. This year I will date without any attachments. Having fun for me will be to get out, enjoying meeting others, all while keeping my legs closed.
5. Celibacy Abstinence - Now I'm not even gonna lie, I've never made it past 4 months *hangs head* but I do know that I NEVER want to experience the hurt that I have this past year or so.......therefor the next man that gets a whiff of what's between my legs will be worth it, appreciate it, and take care of it.  I can't say how long.....would like until marriage or even a year, but will start with 6 months and see how that goes.
6. Begin PhD Program, or at least the Research pre-requisite class.
7. Save $500 monthly 52 Week Money  Challenge - With all my bills caught up this could be possible so will attempt to begin after tax time.
8. NO Chemicals or Heat on hair for at least the next 6 months.  I will start blogging about my hair journey shortly.  I wanted to create a new blog but we'll see......
9. I will commit to Yoga daily
10. Cancun or Miami in June (Girlfriends Bday)
11. Myrtle Beach in August (First Family Reunion)
12. California in December! (Haven't spent a Holiday with my parents in 9 years, not happening in 2013).
13. Church Participation (Choir, Youth, etc.)
14. CASA Appointment - I've been volunteering with a Juvenile Court here locally and would like to become a Certified Court Appointed Special Advocate for youth.
15. Obtain a Passport - For the above mentioned #10
16. No Overdraft fee's for the year.......
17. I would like to workout more with weights as to tone my body
18. Six Flags Fiesta Texas for my daughters bday
19. Complete a Mosaic Women's Course at our church....this may clash with CASA but only for a couple of weeks.
20. Have a least one fun day with my children Monthly.
21. Take more baths than showers....
22. Blog about every single one of these items (hopefully attaching some pics here and there).....helping me to Blog more :-)
23. Delta Sigma Theta Centennial Celebration

What I would like my blog to read at the end of 2013.......
2013 was the year…
I showed up as me...
I gave myself the gift of yoga several days a week.
I said “thank you” more.
I trusted the answers I heard within.
I said “no” when my gut told me to.
I created stronger boundaries.
I shared the truth more.
I spent more time breathing than reacting.
I stood tall in the beauty and the shit that is each day, that is living, and I stayed true to me.
I gave myself the gift of knowing I am enough and believing it.
I learned to enjoy me, alone.
I spent more time nurturing relationships with my family and friends than I spent online.
I continued to let go of the expectations of others.
I opened my heart to love in ways I never thought possible....

I don't necessarily find myself waiting for a new year to begin new things....for instance have cut a lot of meat out of my diet couple months ago and the last time I put a chemical in my hair was in June/July of 2012.  But, a New Year brings a different excite, clean slate, to began again.  Let go of past and leave it there, looking forward to new beginnings and events.  I plan to have more happy moments and peace this year in 2013!

~Peace & Blessings~

Responsibility.......

Christmas has come and gone and just in a short amount of time things have changed. This will be short as I am trying out this new Blogger App - but either way S and I ended things......like really ended things. It came down to him not being ready. Telling me you love me and your afraid to lose me yet you would like to meet other girls was not connecting for me. He ended up looking me in my eyes and telling me that he is not ready to step up to the plate.....and when he tells me he loves me and doesn't want to lose me he means that he knows he will continue to hurt me and would rather step aside now then the love I have turn into hate and I really dismiss him from my life. He is tired of hurting me, he does feel bad knowing I've cried / stressed and he knows why he calls me crazy. He jokes and calls me crazy but it's all behind him, and while he's now trying it feels as if I'm more focused on when the next phuck up will be instead of enjoying the moment. For the first time I had a man actually be honest with me and admit to just not being ready. My ex from almost 8 yrs ago just finally admitted this mess a couple days ago and he's older than me smh.

Bottom line it hurt ~ but I felt it was coming so I cried my tears and then of course got back to life. See I can't waddle.....life doesn't stop with pints of Ice Cream or Shopping Binges for me 1. I'm lactose intolerant and 2. Broke *giggles* but honestly I'm a mother and a strong woman so I pull my lace Vicky boy shorts up and keep moving.....hit my duck walk and let the pain slowly flow off my back.

2013 is in 4 days and I've been spending my time wisely ~ cleaning my home each room at a time, time with my children (when my son isn't with his boys), and just relaxing / enjoying my paid time off. I accomplished a lot this year 1. New Car 2. App complete for PhD program 3. First NBA Game 4. Did a little more for my self personally (Example: Am now hooked on Brazilian Wax's ha). I have completed my new list of goals and it has definitely grown. I've also added a word that I would like to focus on this year *RESPONSIBILITY* I vow to take responsibility for my love life, my happiness, my health, my mental stability, my time, my education, basically my overall well being. I procrastinate badly and will try to use my time more wisely.

Thanking God for another year of His blessings in advance......

~Peace & Blessings~