Jupiter Love.......

So yesterday my dress attire was as follows.......  ---->

Knee high heel black boots

Black fishnet tights (hard to see here)

Black pencil skirt

Red short sleeve turtleneck (fitting)

Now......going back to yesterdays post, when S walked in office initially I was like here we go again not prepared to hear anything that rolled off his tongue.  But after our extensive talk I finally rised from the desk in which he saw what he saw and I therefor saw this look of "If only her office was secluded........" smh.  He had asked if I would come over so we could finish talking, at that point he had asked me about my birthday, asking about going on a date for the 21st (In which still in my attitude I told him to send me a calendar invite so I know it's real :-/  ), and then onto my budget - what I should do to help me get back on track and caught up with things, etc., I was like wow.....like why is he so concerned with where my finances are? How I'm getting along?  Anyway, at this point he reinterates this visit again and brings up Batman.   Of COURSE I want to see Batman, I love Batman, but I also know us....so immediately I tell myself under NO circumstances do the boots, hell even scarf come off because I will fail my Leprechaun duty.

Well................................yea..............................................it went down.  Now we've had angry, tearing clothes off, pulling hair, scratching (my nails), and recently biting (I bit a hole in his lip couple weeks ago smh) sex before, but this............................................this was different.  Felt so emotional - so caught up on another level - and even while starting I was pushing him away - and then they started.........the tears (how embarrassing :-(  ) But tears begin to well up, and he just looked me in my eyes mid-stroke and was like I'm sorry, I'm sorry for hurting you, all the bull sh*t, I love you, I really do love you, and I just muttled that I didn't want to fight anymore.  He just was like "I'll behave".  Now.........as emotional and caught up and good that peen felt in the back of my mind I was saying shut up.  And then he said what I was thinking lol

But all jokes aside, the only thing that will tell me he's ready is his actions.  He was right, the first time I stepped out I did cry.....I felt guilty.....I showered and asked the guy to leave.  And he was right, it occured more than once but the difference was I always had him in my head which resulted in wishing I had just went running and had a V8.  He on the other hand, he said he dealt with one of the girls for 4 months!  Something kept him seeing her and then ultimately ending things.  I don't know......don't know about the flood of emotions that occured.  I've felt it before but never the tears.  If he did it now what will stop him later?  Can he be faithful?  In his head since we're not "traditional" (whatever) is that how he see's and rationalize things?  I wanted to press exactly what "I'll behave" meant but felt like it was an understood moment........then said hell nah I need clarfication because as a young child was taught "when you assume you make an arse of yourself".  He started with the communication part, answering.....then just said "behave".

Life........one day at a time.

~Peace & Blessings~