So I paid $30 to a therapist on yesterday for her to tell me to Fast...........lol The fact that I can even laugh now is awesome but I took her advice because I knew she was right.
My awakening freaked me out......the sexual abuse as a child, finding safe love with my grandmother to then be abused again in high school, finding safe love in my husband to only have him die, God took him away........ I now see how I've masked that hurt all these years, overcompensating and just going on with life yet angry inside. I can now see how I never liked "nice" men......"real men". It's ok to pause and grieve, heal, and then move on. Too often things happen in our lives and we just keep trucking along..........it's ok to stop and heal.......but don't get stuck. I honestly feel like I've been asleep for the past 10 years. Like my life has been a blur. You hear of people waking up from coma's and starting life over and that's how I honestly feel. I can now really begin to heal, live and love, love me. I've been running too long. I've ran to College, then to Career, been running to church, self-help books, BLOGS, and it's time to stop running.
I talked to my manager and just thanked her because without her knowing she would see the anger on different days. In all my years of working no one has ever said anything to me about it. She then begin to let me in on some of her childhood and upbringing. It's amazes me the number of people that walk around and interact wrecking havoc on others lives that are simply............broken.
Last night I stared at my plant and for the first time this morning I actually cared about it....... I watered it, looked at the leaves, and then found a nice place to sit it for sunlight. I think I'm gonna be fine. All the "you're better than that, get out and enjoy life, you're beautiful"..........I'm starting to see it, embrace it. I do know one thing, as freaked out as I was seeing myself as if for the first time............I hope it never happens again lol
I allowed a man to drive me crazy........literally..........never again.
~Peace & Blessings~
4 comments:
I would like to add something concerning the plant. This past summer, my cousin bought me a nice-looking plant and I simply watered and sat outside in sunlight and left it at that. Up until the winter season, it remained healthy-looking and even garnered a few compliments from friends and family that stopped by the crib from time to time. Then it fell off dramatically in the cold weather and eventually I left it outside and said to myself that I will buy another one in the Spring.
So, one day, my girl brought the plant inside and primmed and change the soil and I laughed because it was obvious the plant was dead. But she insisted that it would return to life in no time at all. Of course I didn't believe, but I watered every other day just so I wouldn't have to hear her mouth.
Sure enough, the plant is starting to sprout again and I recall one day thinking to myself about how there is a lesson to be learned here....
I can't say that I know the lesson wholeheartedly, but as of now, I know in my heart that it has much to do with concern and nurturing.
Just wanted to share my plant experience.
Wow.....thank you so much. I could correlate that to my life, replanting in good soil, nurturing, and attention to self. Thanks so much for that! I must say I have been taking better care of the plant, even set it out on the patio for a little sunlight. Went by the grocery store and wanted one that hangs now lol :-)
You are welcome. I guess I will go ahead and get me another plant since you respect my planting skills. Lol.
lol I'm actually thinking of getting another myself. Maybe for the office this time.....
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